the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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