watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
