he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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