:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
