New invention idea: vibrating tampons
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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