i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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