ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
