He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
These 23 People Are Living Shocking Lies
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?