she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.