I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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