omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
