Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
