I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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