Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
