i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
