she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
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I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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