Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
