Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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