Cold hands, warm shart.
nut hugger
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
