so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
