ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I have post one night stand depression
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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