You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
