you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
