just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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