my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
