I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
sex in a hospital.. check
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
