I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
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There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
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Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
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