Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize