the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
