I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
