just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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