Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
this boner is exhausting
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
