need another drink. this is the easiest way
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
