good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
