thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i out mim tonsoeep
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