My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my shit smells like andre
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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