Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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