I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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