and you said cock pushups were impossible
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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