When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
