Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
