Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
