Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
