If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
