That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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