An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
