I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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