I murdered the dance floor call the cops
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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