well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
