Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
