Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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