You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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