You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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