just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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