i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
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We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
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OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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