Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
