He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
