I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
