So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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