the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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