Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
