I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
