I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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