Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
