i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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