omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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