That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
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Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
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The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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