Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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