Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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