I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he puts the penis in happiness.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
