he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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