after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
