I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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