i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
