jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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