There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
