a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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