This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
