Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
