Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
