How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're making bets on your personal life
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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