a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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