Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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