I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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