I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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