ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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