i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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