but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
